“The Black Dog” is a term used to not say the word depression.  I’m not a fan, but there it is.  I’ve lived with a battle with depression and anxiety for over 10 years.  It’s probably been longer, but I didn’t identify with the word until I was almost 26.  I’ve been on and off medication over that time, the last time (until recently) was 5 years ago.  My decision to return to anti-depressants was not an easy one, I had been doing fairly well, or so I thought.

I found myself, sometimes, spending a whole day not really doing anything, nor having the desire to do anything.  Even doing things that I love, including playing with my son, held no joy for me.  I had become joyless and a little slothy, I was certainly no fun to be around.  I was also becoming mad or upset with just about everything and everyone.  Not always without reason, but still.  I am not an angry person.

So I made the decision to go back onto anti-depressants.  The first month was not great.  I remembered lethargy, nausea, and insomnia from the previous bout with meds, but it was so much worse for at least the first 2 weeks.  Only slightly improving in the following 2 weeks.  Once my GP & I made the decision to switch the time at which I take them (before bed, instead of with breakfast), I found I was improving.

I’m almost at the end of my second month now.  I am feeling SO much better.  I am laughing with my whole being again.  I am waking up and feeling like I can face the day with both feet on the ground.  I am feeling inspired again.  I am feeling more like myself.

As a side benefit, whether it has to do with the medication, or the fact that I’m eating more properly and drinking herbal tea instead of cordial or soft drink, I’ve lost about 7kgs.  Doesn’t seem like much, but as someone who struggles with weight, diet and exercise, I find this utterly brilliant!  I have a new set of headphones, a playlist ready to rock to, great walking shoes, and the desire to seize the feeling!  I am going to start my walking right after Easter.  SO PUMPED!